The fine art of being 2 years old.

David is two years old.  He is often happy, frequently upset, and always testing limits.  Right now he is VERY two years old.  I’m relearning about little kids, and David is a crash course in toddler behavior all on his own!  He’s starting to flex those little independent muscles, and heaven help you if you are in his way while he does it!  If you don’t want him to do something you can be guaranteed that he’s going to do everything this side of theoretical impossibility to make sure he does it!  He wavers between sweetness that leaves you gasping for insulin, and sheer unadulterated meanness that leaves you wanting to slather him in BBQ sauce and have him for dinner!  This is the stage where he will run as far away as he can, giggle, then run back and give you a hug.  He’ll repeat this a few times until you start to really think that it’s cute, then he’ll switch things up and on the next round pull a WWF head butt right into your solar plexus giggling the whole time!

Today David had an utter meltdown.  I was reading a story to the boys before dinner.  Jamie wasn’t home yet, and I was sitting on the couch with the three boys.  Bobby was sitting quietly and listening to the story, Raven was totally caught up in the story, and David.. well David was trying to scale the back of the couch and launch himself into the air ala Luche Libre.  I finished the story, and Bobby and Raven settled in to watch some PBS.  I thought that perhaps David would settle in, but oh… no.  David launched himself into a kicking, screaming, biting, throwing himself on the floor meltdown.  I scooped him up, and put him in his time out spot which is the playpen in my office.  I sat down here at the desk, and proceeded to ignore him.  I have found that the longer I ignore him, the angrier he gets, but the faster his tantrum is over.  While I sat here I just couldn’t help myself, and the camera was handy.  So, I get the bad Mommy award for the week for documenting the anatomy of a toddler tantrum.  Brace yourself, this is not for the weak hearted.

Step 1

I will now scream so loudly that you will wish that you were deaf.

Step 2.

Obviously you have somehow become immune to my screaming.  Initiate the process of looking pathetic!

Step 3

Captain’s log stardate April 13th 2010.  Subject appears to be immune to screaming, and looking pathetic… must come up with alternative….

Step 4

No new ideas… scream LOUDER!

Step 5

Point accusingly at subject, and surmise that she is wearing earplugs.  Mutter toddler obscenities under breath.

Step 6

*hack*  I think I *hack* strained something..

Step 7

Try pathetic AND screaming…

Step 8

*sighs* Ooo there’s something on the floor…

Step 9

Angry thrashing!!

Step 10

Oh the humanity!

Step 11

Seriously.. WHAT is that on the floor?!

Step 12

Lady!  You have NO HEART!

Aren’t toddlers GREAT!?


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